


When Darkness Calls

by Malorum



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death(s), F/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Illness, Schizophrenia, Sortof, but not really, this is not a light topic my friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 00:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malorum/pseuds/Malorum
Summary: This story is based off of a very serious mental illness. It is not a happy story. If reading about mental illness is in any way triggering, I would recommend you steer clear of this fic.





	When Darkness Calls

You had been diagnosed with Paranoid Delusional Schizophrenia your sophomore year of high school. The visions of death and blood were horrifying, but you were learning to cope. That’s why, when there weeks later you watched your family be ripped apart by strange shadows, you covered your ears and hid under the dining room table. You knew it wasn’t real, and soon your mother would find you and help you make it go away. But the hand that touched your shoulder was too large, too warm to be your mother’s, so you screamed and moved away, eyes wide as you took in the man that was decidedly not your mother. His short cropped hair was sandy blonde, and his eyes were green and looking at you in concern. 

He introduced himself as Dean, and the tall man behind him as his brother Sam. And that was how you had met the Winchesters. It took quite a bit of convincing on their part before you believed them that your family really was dead, and that you had narrowly avoided sharing their fate. You were alone in the world now, and as if they could sense that, they offered for you to come with them. You had just nodded numbly and accepted their help as they lead you from the house you had only recently inhabited happily with your family. They took you with them to their bunker, and gave you a room, along with anything else you would need to survive and then left you to your devices. And there you had stayed. 

You had been living peacefully in the bunker for years now, opting to stay behind on hunts and do research for them. You never told them about your illness, and mostly kept to yourself, somehow still managing to become good friends with both brothers and their angelic friend, Castiel. 

Sam’s voice broke through your thoughts and you looked back to the book in front of you.  
“I can’t find anything useful in this book.” You sighed, flipping through a few more pages before closing the cover. 

“Its alright,” Sam said, his voice laced with static as it crackles through the phone's speaker. “Maybe it’s I another book.”

You hummed your agreement as you stood and moved towards the bookcase behind you, intent on replacing the tome in your hands. It fell silent for a moment, and the soft whispering voices that took up residence in the back of your mind switched suddenly from being manageable whispers to the horrifying screams your family had made as they had died. You dropped the book you were holding, letting it crash to the ground as your hands slapped futilely over your ears and a scream tore its free of your throat. You couldn’t hear Sam shouting your name, couldn’t hear anything outside of the skull splitting noise in your head. 

After a few terrible minutes, when you had been reduced to a sobbing mess on the floor, the screams subsided, and you were able to pull your hands away and hear Sam still calling your name, panic evident in his voice as he spoke to someone else, presumably Dean.  
Taking a quick moment to calm down and catch your breath, you called out in the direction of the phone. 

“I’m fine! It’s okay, I’m okay. You can calm down.” You said, trying to soothe their panic. That’s what you had always done. You always put others before yourself, no matter what shit you were wading through. It obvious wasn’t working this time as the boys seemingly got more agitated. Dean’s voice took over the phone.  
“The hell you are! You just screamed for five minutes straight! What the hell happened?!” You shook your head, knowing they couldn’t see you.

“Honestly guys, I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it. Just finish your hunt, and I’ll see you when you get back.” You said, hanging up the phone before they could say anything else. You took in a shuddering breath as the little strength you had vanished, and you slumped against the bookcase at your back. 

You tried to practice the coping method you had developed, focusing on something, anything else. The first thing that caught your attention was the flickering lamplight on the table in front of you. Your eyes stayed glued to it as the flickering spread from the lamp to the over head lights, flickering faster as the room got darker. Shadows pooled in from the corners of the room, just as they had that terrible night. Fear closed your throat, and you struggled to breathe as the shadows formed into shapes. Very familiar shapes. In seconds, your family was standing before you, their skin the cold, dead grey of death. They began to bleed, lines forming where they had been torn asunder, and pure terror left you immobile as they moved toward you. 

“You just watched,” your little brother said, unmoving as blood poured from his lips. 

“You just let it happen,” this time it was your father, his eyes dead as he looked at you. 

“You could have done something,” said your mother. “You could have saved us.”

“No,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I didn’t know. I couldn’t have known.” 

“You killed us!” they shouted, moving closer to you and cutting off any escape route. “Its your fault! You did this! You killed us! You killed us!”

“No! Please! I’m sorry! I didn’t know! I didn’t mean it! Please, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” You were sobbing hysterically, your face buried in your arms, your hands over your head and your knees pulled to your chest, curling into yourself as much as possible, sobbing your apology until you couldn’t breathe. 

A hand touched you suddenly, and you jerked, flinging yourself away as another scream tore free. Your eyes were wide and blurry, but you could still make out the tan trench coat and the blue eyes of the angel Castiel. He was looking at you in concern, crouched down to your level on the floor as he quickly looked you over. 

Unable to help yourself, you flung yourself at him and buried your face in the fabric of his shirt, your tears staining it as you sought safety and comfort. His arms wrapped around you, tightening when you whispered a soft “Make it stop, please. Make them go away.”

Distantly, you were aware of the fact that he didn’t know what you were talking about. He couldn’t see them, couldn’t hear them. He didn’t know what was happening. He knew you needed some kind of mercy though, and pressed two fingers to your forehead and willed you to sleep. 

You didn’t know how long you were asleep, but when you opened your eyes, you saw Castiel sitting at the chair by your desk. The moment he sensed you were awake, he stood and moved towards you, sitting on the side of your bed. Your throat was scratchy when you tried to talk, and he passed you a glass of water. After a few sips you felt much better. 

“Did Sam ad Dean call you?” you asked. 

“They did call me, but I felt your distress before. I apologize that it took me so long.” He looked at you, questions obvious in his eyes. “What happened?”  
He was all concern and confusion, and you knew that after what had occurred, you wouldn’t be able to keep your secret any longer. So you told him. 

“I saw my family.” You said. Castiel’s confusion only grew. “I do not understand. Would that not be a good thing?” You shook your head. “I never told you how they died, did I?” He shook his head and you sighed. 

“I was diagnosed with a severe mental illness when I was in high school. I was watching the people around me die daily, and the pain and horror kept me in a constant state of wondering what was and was not real, and to cope, I just figured that nothing I saw was real. Three weeks after my diagnosis, I watched my family be torn limb from limb before my very eyes. It was horrifying, and I hid. I thought it was a hallucination caused by my illness, and it took the boys a long time to convince me otherwise. I watched my family die, and I did nothing. I should have tried to help them. I should have done something. Anything. But instead I just watched. I just let it happen. They’re all dead. I’ll never see them again, and it’s all my fault.”

Fresh tears pricked at your eyes, and you quickly wiped them away. Castiel watched you for a few moments before he spoke. 

“You don’t truly believe that, do you?” You looked at him before giving a short, dead laugh and looking away again. 

“You know,” He began, “When I met you, I couldn’t read you. I asked Sam and Dean about you, and they told me about how they found you. They didn’t tell me all the details, but I assume that’s because they didn’t know. But I could feel your pain. I was curious, so on a visit to Heaven, I tracked down your family. Their Heaven is very nice. One of my favorites, in fact. It’s full of bright and happy memories with you. They love you very much. I can’t imagine that they would think that what happened is your fault. And I know they wouldn’t want you to think that either.”

The tears you had been holding back broke free and you flung yourself at the angel once more, wrapping your arms around his torso tightly. 

“Thank you, Cas.” You whispered. He smiled down at you, running a hand through your hair soothingly. 

Several hours later, Sam and Dean flew through the bunker door and down the hallway to your room, stopping in the doorway when they caught sight of you curled up in Castiel's lap, sleeping peacefully. Castiel gave them a look telling them that you were okay, and the tension faded from their shoulders with relief. You weren’t hurt. When you woke up there would be a long conversation about what had happened, but for now they would let you sleep. For now, they would let you dream of bright memories with your family.


End file.
